Feminism.
Patriarchy.
Fragility.
Privilege.
Are you shuffling in your seat?
Many of the words that we use in allyship have become loaded with negative connotations. Maybe just reading them caused you to put your walls up and skip ahead.
I’ll tell you right now, the work of allyship is not comfy-cozy.
Instead, I’d invite you to sit with this discomfort and think about why these words have a negative connotation for you. Oftentimes, our defensiveness around language is bred from misunderstanding or politics.
But these are just words, aren’t they?
As we strive to be better allies at work, it’s important that we understand the language we use.
Meet Velshay Stokes and Daniele Fiandaca
In today’s episode of “Allies at Work,” you’ll hear from two experts in Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) who care about the impact of language.
Velshay Stokes is a DEI Practitioner who felt called to the work because of the many identities she holds.
Daniele Fiandaca, on the other hand, represents more privileged identities, so he founded a consulting company to help men like him better understand the challenges women face in business.
Velshay and Daniele will break down the vocabulary of allyship, defining things as they are. When we use accurate language, we are able to remove the emotional baggage from words, let go of any defensiveness, and start finding creative solutions instead.
A few favorite moments
“Something big for me was realizing I don’t have to hate my privilege. I can use it to help others.”
Velshay Stokes
“I don’t think you’re a true ally, unless you’re tackling elements of the system.”
Daniele Fiandaca
“If you’re using your privilege in the right way to help those who don’t have it, that’s the key.
Velshay Stokes
That’s what allyship is.”
To hear two DEI experts break down the vocabulary of allyship, listen to the full episode below.
Allyship action: Count by identity
At the end of each episode, I share an allyship microaction—something you can start doing right away. Today’s allyship action is: Count by identity.
This allyship action is simple (and kind of fun).
In every room you enter, count the number of women.
Whether you’re sitting in a team meeting, a classroom, or a church, count the number of women represented in the room. If you want, go a step further and count the number of women in leadership positions. Or the number of women who are given an opportunity to speak.
This may seem like a tiny thing, but it will make a big difference in unpacking your unconscious bias.
When you count only 3 women in a room of 30, or 12 women in a room of 100, ask yourself why this is the case. Get curious about why women are included and elevated in some spaces and excluded and diminished in others.
What more could you do to create an environment where women feel safe, included, and empowered?
As Velshay mentions in the episode, some of our identities are invisible, so counting by identity doesn’t work for every case. But you can count by other visible identities. Instead of counting the number of women in every room, you could try counting the people of color, individuals over 50, or folks with disabilities.
This allyship action isn’t about labeling people—it’s about getting curious about what kind of diversity you’re inviting into your own life and where the gaps are.
Allies also speak clearly about compensation
In addition to speaking clearly with their language, allies also speak openly about compensation.
Next time, I’m breaking down everything you need to know about the gender pay gap. You’ll hear from many of the voices on the Utah Gender Pay Gap committee, which I co-lead with Deneiva Knight and Katie Witt. (We’re ranked 49th in the U.S. for the worst pay gap, so we’ve got work to do!)
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Resources to follow along with this episode:
Rachel Cottam 