Why men who believe in equity will take their full parental leave

When our second child was born, my husband took one week off.

He was given three days for parental leave (all of which were spent in the hospital) and chose to take two additional days of PTO.

Our wallet couldn’t afford any more time than that.

Thankfully, my mom flew into town and my sister lived next door, so I had help with our older son for a few days while I was recovering.

But my husband? He had to go right back to the office.

This was only six years ago, and our experience isn’t unique.

Of the dads that are offered paternity leave, only half take it

When I polled my LinkedIn audience to see how many men took parental leave, only 52% of dads took some or all of their time.

35% weren’t even offered it.

This was a small survey size, and many of these men work in tech jobs which strive for more competitive and equitable benefits.

Other data points I’ve seen show that only 9% of U.S. fathers have access to paid parental leave and over 75% of men are back to work within one week of the birth of their child.

One man shared his experiences (all of which occurred in the last decade):

“Paternity leave was not a benefit for me when my kids were born. In total, I took probably 5-6 combined vacation days for all 3 kids…because my tasks needed to continue for me to have a job when I returned.

One child needed to be readmitted to the hospital just a couple of days after coming home. I was awake for 2 days straight. After finally getting 30 mins of sleep, I woke up to take an important internal meeting from my computer in the common area of the hospital.

After getting reamed for not being prepared for said meeting, I reminded my superiors that I was in the hospital with a very sick newborn. No credit was given for my efforts.”

Even when it’s offered, men don’t take leave because of fear

While this man was unable to take leave in part because it wasn’t offered, it was also because of fear of job security.

One man shared that he didn’t take leave because there was no precedent for it: “No male had ever taken parental leave at the company before.”

Another new dad said that he “feared missing out. Or worse, a salary cut.”

In an article for NPR, Greg Rosalsky explained these apprehensions: “Fathers, often quite rationally, fear that their careers will be damaged if they take time off (after all, as the research shows, the careers of many mothers have long taken a major hit.)”

We need clarity and precedence from the top—executives who emphasize the value of paternity leave and who set the example by taking it.

Taking paternity leave is one way to promote gender equity at work

Men taking the same amount of parental leave time as women is one of the best ways we can combat the gender wage gap while maintaining family-friendly leave policies.

If we truly believe in gender equity in our workplaces, we’ll offer parental leave to all parents, and we’ll incentivize folks to take it.

There won’t be any excuses about the company not being able to afford it, or individuals putting their careers at risk. Men will do more than just take leave, they’ll clock out early for parent-teacher conference, and turn down networking invites that overlap with family dinner.

If you don’t believe women should be penalized for these actions, you won’t be afraid of taking them.

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