Allyship is not formulaic—what works in one setting may or may not work in another. But the sum of allyship is always more empathy, equity, and empowerment.
In a recent workshop about “Allyship in Action,” Velshay Stokes and I defined what allyship is and is not and shared a few of our favorite tactics for workplace allies.
Today, I’m sharing those definitions and applications with you.
What is allyship?
First, let’s define what it means to be an ally. Velshay shared the following definitions:
Ally: To unite or form a connection or relation between; One that is associated with another as a helper; a person or group that provides assistance and support in an ongoing effort, activity, or struggle.
Velshay drew particular attention to words like “helper” and “uniting.” The words we use are really important, and allyship is an introduction to advocacy.
Advocacy: One who defends or maintains a cause or proposal; one who supports or promotes the interests of a cause or group; to support or argue for.
Upstander: A person who speaks or acts in support of an individual or cause, particularly someone who intervenes on behalf of a person/group being attacked or disrespected. (Think of the opposite of “bystander”).
Velshay challenged each of us to move from ally to advocate to upstander—acknowledging that this will look different for each individual.
“Calling in” versus “Calling out:” Both strategies are useful in allyship. Calling out unacceptable behavior can help to interrupt harm and protect victims; it is typically done in large groups or public settings. Calling in helps to invite a deeper discussion, understanding, and reflection by bringing attention to bias, microaggression, and discrimination; often, “calling in” occurs one-on-one or in a small group where trust is already established.
What allyship is not
Velshay also defined what allyship is not. Many of these terms work in direct conflict to inclusion, diversity, and belonging.
Fragility: Discomfort and defensiveness on the part of a person when confronted by information about societal inequality and injustice.
In my experience as a white woman, I know that I have been fragile. I like to think I’m a nice person who wouldn’t ever discriminate by race, gender, etc. But acknowledging my own biases has actually been freeing. When I accept that I’m guilty of certain -isms, it allows me to shift my focus from whether or not I need to change to how I can change. (E.g. “Am I racist or not?” to “I’m probably racist, how can I change my behavior?”)
Savior complex: Refers to actions provided by people that help marginalized groups in a self-serving manner. Examples of the savior complex in media include “Blind side” and “Green Book.”
Velshay explained that you may have heard the word “white” placed before both the terms “fragility” and “savior complex.”
Performative allyship: When someone from a non-marginalized group professes support and solidarity with a marginalized group in a way that either isn’t helpful or that actively harms that group.
Privilege is power
As we discuss allyship, it’s important to define and destigmatize the word “privilege.” This word has come to be emotionally charged for many, triggering defensive feelings.
So what is privilege?
Privilege is a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group.
Privilege is not a sign that you haven’t worked hard. Privilege also isn’t the same for everyone (my privilege looks different than Velshay’s, for example).
Privilege does, however, give you some kind of advantage and a form of power. Your privilege may increase your access to opportunities not as readily available to others.
Velshay gave the example of her two college degrees as a form of privilege. She had the opportunity to obtain those degrees because of her financial means, family support, and the luxury of time. But she also worked really hard to complete those degrees. So in some ways, she earned her educational privilege and in other ways it was given to her.
The “wheel of privilege” can be a great visual to help understand your closeness to power (and how it is sometimes earned and sometimes not). When you look at the wheel, you see that the characteristics closest to the center also tend to be closer to power. When you move away from the center of the wheel, you’ll see “marginalized” voices—those identities that tend to be undervalued or even ignored in society.
As an example, I was born white and able-bodied. I did nothing to earn either of those characteristics, but they do give me power and influence in society. If I was born black or with significant disability, my experience in life would likely be different because society does not value those identities as much.
(You may have seen the $100 Race video as a representation of how these identities impact your chances of success.)
Is privilege a bad thing?
No. Privilege is not a bad thing and it does not make you a bad person.
In our recent workshop, one participant acknowledged how his privilege actually improves his ability to make a difference. Alex said, “Something big for me was realizing I don’t have to hate my privileges. I can use it to help others.”
Velshay agreed, “Yes, this is what it’s all about…If you’re using that privilege in the right way to help those who don’t have it, that’s the key. That’s what allyship is.”
My privilege isn’t necessarily a reflection on me, on who I am.
What is a reflection on me is what I choose to do with my privilege. As Saira Rao and Regina Jackson say in their book, “The only wrong move is remaining silent…doing nothing out of the fear of doing it imperfectly.”
Those in the outer circles can’t build a bridge without you. You have to reach across.
Where to begin as an ally
Velshay suggests that the entry to allyship requires unlearning and learning—which can happen at the same time. Watch our recent allyship workshop where I break down 5 allyship actions that you can take today:
Continued learning
Rachel Cottam 